As the countdown ended and the collective “Happy New Year’s” cheer was sounded throughout the globe (or at least the central time zone) I found myself thinking, “What can I do to make 2012 a year to remember”.
At first I considered the proverbial resolutions; could I lose weight, volunteer more of my time, reconcile with old friends, stop drinking, become a monk?
That’s when I realized, what better way to ensure 2012 is a great year than to claim it as my own. And that’s what I did, two minutes after the clock struck 2012, I claimed the year as mine, the Year of Kaiten.
And as I did, I couldn’t help but think, “I wonder what that would be like”...
Santa would visit more than once a year (how does 186 appearances sound).
The world wouldn’t end, and no one would be allowed to claim it would (not even the Mayans).
Someone would teach me what it’s like to walk five miles, uphill, in snow up to my knees, just to get to school (you older people always make it sound like it was the cool thing to do).
Someone would explain to me why, if a rabbit’s foot is so lucky, the rest of the rabbit doesn’t have it anymore.
Charlie Sheen would stop claiming he’s “winning” (he’s the only person to ever convince me losing could be a good thing).
The elephant in the room would stop taking up so much space.
All wars would be decided by a dance-off, and all dance-offs decided by a rock, paper, scissors battle (best-out-of-three, of course).
A time machine would be created and someone would convince Noah to get those unicorns on the ark (they look so cool).
Sean Connery would return to reprise his role as James Bond one last time (sorry, Daniel Craig).
Val Kilmer would not return to reprise his role as Batman (you’re welcome, world).
People would finally realize the Muslim faith and terrorism aren’t synonymous (seriously).
Rappers would realize the use of the ‘n’ word only further promotes its use and stop using it (once again, seriously).
Greenland and Iceland would trade names to align to their climates (it’s so confusing).
Communism in its purist form (isn’t it beautiful) would be adopted across the globe (I’ll throw on my tie dye shirt now) and Chuck Norris would be contracted to ensure all follow its rules.
Pinky and the Brain would finally take over the world (they’ve been trying so hard, I feel like they’ve earned it).
The roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote would finally settle their feud (may the best beast win).
Someone would explain how the caramel gets in the middle of the Caramilk bar, what’s hidden in Area 51 and how Hooters became famous for its wings and not its, well, other offerings...
The 99 per cent represented by the “Occupation” movement would become the 51 per cent. (Sorry to the remaining 49 per cent).
The newest edition in the Dark Knight series would bring back Batman’s reliable sidekick Robin (only so we can hear him remark, “Holy (insert random comment here), Batman”, one last time)....on second thought, Robin can stay out of the movie.
Elvis, Tupac and Michael Jackson would all return for a mega concert. They would bring Jimi Hendrix, Bob Marley and Johnny Cash back with them, too. (Might as well bring Tiger Woods’ golf game as well.)
Lebron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh and the ‘Heatles’ would have to play a team led by Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan and Larry Bird in their prime (let’s see how they like it).
Team Canada would mount a comeback of the ages to beat the Russians in the World Juniors en route to a gold medal victory (that one stings).
And lastly, I'd make sure to enjoy every day with a smile on my face because there's no reason not to.
I hope you do the same.